I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
