i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
