My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
