I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I checked into jail on foursquare
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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