so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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