Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
