do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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