So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize