i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
