I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
