Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
