Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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