Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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