i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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