i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
