My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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