Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
