u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
