I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
