Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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