Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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