Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
