I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
