forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
