What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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