Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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