WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
