You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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