if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize