I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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