mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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