dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
