Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sorry about my life...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
