Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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