hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
