I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
