My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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