watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
