Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
