i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
