also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
