There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
