that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
