Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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