He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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