He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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