Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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