probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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