How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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