It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
