dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
