i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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