if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
