you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
