I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize