I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
