News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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