In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
