If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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