Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We need to get me chipped asap
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
