Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
