I wish my penis had an off switch
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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