I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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