I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
