my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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