TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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