That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
pop tarts are not kleenex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
