I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize