I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
