3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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