Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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