Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
