Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize