you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
