made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
