Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
is it fun? or sober?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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