I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
