he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
