So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
