i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
