How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
