Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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