Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
